Edmunds CarPool

Opening Statements

Mark Takahashi for the Volvo C30
The Volvo C30 is the serious one of this hot-hatch duo -- the Rocky to your Bullwinkle, if you will. It's got the type of refinement that the Mini could never approach, but still has enough style and personality to give your kitschy Cooper S a run for its money. Performance? Ja, it's got that for sure. In fact if you compare the track sheets side by side, you'll see that both cars are virtually equals. Both go from Zero-to-60 in 6.9 seconds and weave through the slalom in the upper 60 mph reaches (with a 0.8 mph edge to the Volvo).

When you stack these two side-by-side, however, the C30 begins to pull ahead of the Mini -- way ahead.  Just look at the exterior styling. The C30 is aggressive, muscular and fluid in its execution, while the Mini is toy-like and "cute" (awwwww). Now look at the interior. The Volvo is pure, refined and graceful compared to the Mini's silly and overwrought design. The C30's cabin approaches the quality and dignity associated with BMWs and Audis. That sinuous ribbon of a waterfall center stack alone is worth the price of admission.  As for the Mini, it looks like someone stuck a bathroom scale in the middle of your dash, along with a collection of your daughter's toys.

The differences are even more telling when you're behind the wheel. The C30 has a wonderful mix of athleticism and sophistication. Nail the skinny pedal and whooooosh! That turbo-five has got the beans to go hyperspace no matter where the tach needle points. It delivers a flood of power and tracks straight ahead. The Mini, on the other hand, feels like a blender trying too hard to make a margarita. Then there's the nutty torque steer that makes you look like a teetering drunkard. No thanks, bossman, I'm sticking with the Volvo -- and I don't care how many TPS reports you make me file. 

Brent Romans for the Mini Cooper S
Often imitated, never duplicated. That's what we have here with the Mini Cooper S. The first generation of the new Cooper came out for 2002; the second-generation arrived for 2007. Where was Volvo during all this? Oh, building more crossovers. Sure, I have to tip my hat to Volvo for eventually coming out with the C30; few automakers are willing to make a premium hatchback. But when it comes down to it, the Mini is still the better car.

Mostly, it's just more fun to drive. Sure, the acceleration and slalom numbers are similar, but away from the test track the Mini's more energetic spirit shines through. Its quick steering and light weight make it an eager companion. Zip around a few corners in a MCS and you'll have a grin on your face; do the same in the C30 and you'll be pleased with the result, though hardly excited by any of it. As for the Mini's engine, sorry, Mr. Takahashi, but it's no blender, just a fizzy turbo four that also happens to get 29 mpg in the EPA combined cycle; that's 5 more mpg than the C30. As for torque steer, well, we all know adversity build character.

On top of all this, the MCS is bested only by a Porsche in regards to customization possibility. Different wheels? Sport suspension? Limited slip front differential? St. George's Cross roof graphic? It's all here. Sure, Volvo offers a few options for the C30, but it's simply outclassed when it comes time to make your car your own. Sorry, Mark, it's game, set and match, mate. I've got a stack of TPS reports right here.

Rebuttals

Takahashi:
A transportation design instructor once told me, "A pretty woman doesn't need a lot of jewelry." By that, he meant that a beautiful base form of a car doesn't need to be dressed up with accessories. The Mini needs all of your aforementioned customization to mask a more basic problem -- its shape is as interesting as a kitchen appliance. Admittedly, most of Volvo's creations have been as interesting as a cardboard box, but the C30 is the exception. It's good right out of the box.

As for fuel economy -- fine, you got me there. But when it comes to driving excitement, the C30 is certainly no shrinking violet. My behind-the-wheel grin would likely be as wide as yours -- maybe even bigger when I overtake you in the middle of turn 3 at Willow Springs Raceway because you'll be sawing away at the yoke to counteract the Mini's torque steer. Character? Ha!

Romans:
The day I see somebody tracking his or her C30 is the day I take you and Riswick to high tea to fill up on Earl Grey and little cucumber sandwiches. I'm not saying the Volvo wouldn't be capable; I recall Car and Driver's 2008 Lightning Lap test had a C30 and the car did fine despite low-grip all-season tires. But it's just not the car's natural environment. Perhaps it comes down to this: what do you want out of your premium two-door hatchback? Urban Swedish cool or original English motoring fun? I'll take motoring fun any day.

So who wins? Cast your vote now.