Last week, the world lost a true treasure. Yes, Golden Girl Rue McClanahan died and Magrath and I are still in mourning for our beloved Blanche. But in other mortality news, Mercury was finally put out of its misery and for that, we were significantly less broken up.
After perusing countless old Mercury photos and watching quite a few 70s-era commercials on YouTube while cringing most of the time, we got to thinking about the slew of recently deceased car brands. We've already forgotten about Saturn (What are you talking about? That planet is awesome! -Magrath) and Hummer is best left unmentioned, Mercury and Pontiac are the two brands with the most history and therefore mixed emotions.
But which deserved its demise more? Which was more guilty of automotive crimes against humanity? I, James Riswick, shall be prosecuting Pontiac, while Vice Admiral of Vehicle Testing Mike Magrath shall bring the case against Mercury.
Opening Statements
James Riswick versus Pontiac
Pontiac was the brand that put a giant V8 into a humble Tempest and turned it into the GTO, giving that whole muscle car thing a rather potent jumpstart. It was the brand of Trans Am, a car that throughout its life rarely faltered from being awesome -- it was a car that could talk and heck, three of our editors own them.
But when you call yourself the excitement division, it darn well better be exciting. In the past decade, we kept waiting for Pontiac to deliver on the promise of becoming some sort of American Mazda, building everyday vehicles with an ample dose of driving excitement. Sorry, the G6 wasn't good enough, the Solstice was pretty bad and the G5, Grand Am, Torrent and G3 were just depressing. In my lifetime, I can count the number of stand-out, exciting Pontiacs on one hand. Trans Am/Firebird obviously, then the Fiero (at least it was unique), perhaps the supercharged Grand Prix GTP, and of course the GTO and G8. But those last two were Australian clones, which means that Pontiac was incapable of building a car by itself worthy of its own potential. Crocodile Dundee shouldn't have been in charge of one of America's most storied brands.
So while Mercury suffered through decades of mediocrity and badge engineering, it never had that great of a reputation to besmirch. Pontiac, on the other hand, was guilty of squandering a wealth of potential. I don't think people were angry that GM canceled the brand, but rather that GM ignored and wasted such an appealing opportunity. If they weren't going to do Pontiac right, it was better to just let the suffering end.
Mike Magrath versus Mercury
Thanks for doing my job James -- try that again and I'll break my own arm and live in a hybrid to see how you like that. You made the best argument against Mercury already, "So while Mercury suffered through decades of mediocrity and badge engineering, it never had that great of a reputation to besmirch."
Exactly. With the exception of the final Cougar -- which was a body kit and some door removal separated from the Contour -- Mercury hasn't really done anything unique or better than Ford in quite a while. The Thunderbird SuperCoupe was cooler than the weird notchback thing of an XR-7. The Police Interceptor Ford Crown Vic is more badass than the Metamucil interceptor Mercury Grand Marquis.
Mariner? No. Escape
Milan Hybrid? No. Fusion
You didn't know they still made the Mountaineer, did you?
The point is, unless someone on FoMoCo's board of directors has a black-sheep son working at a low-level badge-pressing facility working solely on straight grilles and badges with one angle, there was no reason -- there has never been a reason -- to keep paying for logos and name plates.
Pontiac screwed up, it wasn't dead. This is America, it deserves as many chances as it can to pay its way out of.
Rebuttals:
Riswick:
Oh yeah? Allow me to introduce my trump card.
Magrath:
Yeah...
and 
So which deserved its demise more?
Awesome photocollage by Mr. Takahashi sitting uncomfortably in Riswick's living room as he and Magrath watch re-runs of Golden Girls on WE Network.
By ne1butu2
on June 7, 2010
05:59 AM
How about this.... Knight Rider! The most badass show of the 80s! Pontiac ruled the early 80s. They didn't have any staying power, but they owned that moment in history. They also had the G6 and the Solstice. Both flawed, but still turn heads.
Mercury has had nothing in my lifetime.
By pushrod
on June 7, 2010
07:11 AM
Pontiac could have least had a chance, even if some their best product was going to come from the other side of the equator. With a bit of rework the Solstice could have been a great roadster. The G8 would have been the flagship. Create some kind of Firebird (not just a reskinned Camaro, although I guess that would have been okay), bring back a better GTO, plus add the ST (although I still wish it would have worn a bowtie), and maybe it could have truly been the Excitement division.
Mercury, however, existed solely to fill a marketing gap that existed in the 1950's, and that gap then seemingly disappeared once the decade of polyester rolled around. Mercury was shut down in Canada years ago, and we haven't missed it. Keeping it wheezing along was simply slowing Ford down. Mercury should either have been shut down the same time the Luxury Group was being jettisoned, or sold to someone else to raise a bit of money.
By brn
on June 7, 2010
08:54 AM
When playing the 'trump card' game, James definitely won.
Pontiac has some neater stuff, but Mercury makes more sense. Mercury shouldn't be compared to Pontiac. It should be compared to Buick. Lincoln needs to be moved more upscale and Mercury needs to fill that gap. Pontiac doesn't do anything that couldn't be done with Chevy.
Mercury needs to stick around, but it needs a lot of work to make that happen.
By tonupboi
on June 7, 2010
08:57 AM
Something both commentators are missing about Mercury - it's glory days had nothing to do with the 60's, musclecars, or anything that new.
Mercury's glory days were the 40's and 50's. The 49-51 Merc, lead sled supreme and car for James Dean. The '57 Turnpike Cruiser, probably the wildest looking car of the decade (not necessarily in a good way, but I still love them). By the time Pontiac started on it's performance roll, Mercury had alrady been relegated back to the original role of a fancy Ford. The reverse slant window 4-doors of the mid-60's was the last bit of individuality for Mercury.
Mercury started as a gussied up Ford, and it died as a gussied up Ford. For a decade and a half post-WWII it had something of it's own identity, but it's fate was sealed when corporate policy took away the ceiling on how fancy a Ford could get. For a few years, it was the hot rod Ford, until Fords were allowed to have the same motors.
By greenpony
on June 7, 2010
10:21 AM
Magrath wins. Pontiac at least was starting to find some direction before GM corporate pulled the plug. Mercury is just as rudderless now as it was twenty years ago.
By tysalpha
on June 7, 2010
10:29 AM
Agree with tonup -- but I'd at that as recently as the 1980s, some of Mercury's badge engeneering was successful. The Grand Marquis was more attractive (then) than the Crown Vic. And that's when families still bought large sedans.
The mid-80s cougar (as opposed to the ~1992 one shown) was distinctive from the T-bird and attractive. It wasn't until the late 80s refresh that the T-bird became the clear standout.
Beyond those two though, the badge engeneering has hurt whatever cachet Mercury had.