Karl on Cars - Vehicle Nameplates That Should Never, Ever Return!

Vehicle Nameplates That Should Never, Ever Return!

"Why doesn't Ford bring back the Zephyr?"

I can't believe anyone ever actually said this, but lo and behold that paragon of 1970s Mercury style and performance did return in 2006 -- as a Lincoln. Actually, the Zephyr was originally a 1930s-era Lincoln before it was a '70s Mercury, but how many people know (or care) about that? Should Ford have revived this nameplate? I guess its staying power (Lincoln changed that model's name to MKZ after one year) is answer enough.

I was recently thinking about dead nameplates that should not come back after someone brought up Edsel in conversation. I'm assuming Ford will never revive that nameplate, and I don't expect to see the words "Aztek," "Chevette" or "Volare" on a future model, either. But then again, who would have predicted the rise of "Aspen" from the automotive underworld. Which brings up today's burning question:

What dead vehicle nameplates do you most fear the return of? In my opinion there are two reasons for a nameplate to never come back: (A) it's associated with a horrendous vehicle (Aztek) or (B) it was a horrendous name itself, regardless of the vehicle it was affixed to (Probe).

Here are my Top 5:

1. Chevrolet Citation: Terrible car named after something you don't want to get.

2. Toyota Previa: Possibly the most unattractive minivan ever created (even worse than those early GM hoover vacuums boxes).

3. Daihatsu Charade: "So Bob, what do you drive?" "What, my car? It's a Charade." "Wow, sorry to hear that."

4. Ford Probe: Too many land mines to comment on this one...

5. Cadillac Cimarron: Is there a better example of the evils of rebadging?

Posted by Karl Feb 25, 2008 7:00 am

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Comments

neatnick79 - Feb 25, 2008 5:03 pm (#35 Total: 54)

Rhode Island

Had fun reading these.! ...well, I always hated Renault's 80's car names here--Fuego, Alliance, etc... Countach always sounded kind of dirty... still does! Oooo, what about gemstone car names, was Topaz the only one? Come to think of it, Mercury seemed to have a lot of misses in the 80's/90's... was the Tracer supposed to be like one of those kinds of bullets?

norcalplanner - Feb 25, 2008 6:00 pm (#36 Total: 54)

Mopar,

Karl lays out the two-fold criteria pretty clearly:

"In my opinion there are two reasons for a nameplate to never come back: (A) it's associated with a horrendous vehicle (Aztek) or (B) it was a horrendous name itself, regardless of the vehicle it was affixed to (Probe)."

My list was a mix and match of both - here's some additional thought process:

The VW Thing makes me think of John Carpenter's movie.
The Suzuki Swift and Mustang II were both too ambitiously named for the hardware.
The Ford Aspire just sounds like the Little Engine That Could - "I think I can, I think I can..."
I've had too many bad experiences with electrical gremlins to want a car named after one.
The Isuzu Rocky, aside from the obvious Stallone reference, reinforces my opinion that adjectives should be off-limits for car names. Of course, they could have a whole family, with Bouldery being the full-size SUV and Gravelly being the compact crossover...
I-Mark? What the heck is an I-Mark? Did they mean Mark I (like a Lincoln) and have a dyslexic copy writer?

autoboy16 - Feb 25, 2008 7:33 pm (#37 Total: 54)

Fl USA

Sirocco: Not at all interesting and confusing to saw
Sundance: Must i really explain
Sunfire: see above
Paseo: Like the car, it sounds cheezy
Echo: ECHO Echo heckno heckno...
Daewoo: EEK! embarassing to be seen in
GEO: see daewoo
Scoupe: Cheesy cross of sport coupe
Vehicross: Not a looker at all!!

I think Isuzu had some unique names: Rodeo, Trooper, Axiom, Amigo. Say those names and everyone recalls isuzu. I think they should start over in the vehicle market! Using crossovers would have really helped.

I miss the acura names! Legend(RL), Vigor(Tl), Integra(TSX)...But i think TL/TSX/CL/CSX/RL/RSX/RDX/MDX/NSX have all grew on me.

-Cj

brn - Feb 25, 2008 8:59 pm (#38 Total: 54)

I can't believe I'm the first to mention "Nova", Spanish for "no go".

moparbad - Feb 25, 2008 9:30 pm (#39 Total: 54)

USA

Nova in Spanish is Nova, not "no go".

tysalpha - Feb 25, 2008 9:48 pm (#40 Total: 54)

Saint Louis MO United States of America

^ Yes, I thought we already established that Nova en espanol = Nova in english. First, you wouldn't say "it no go" to describe a car in spanish anymore than you would in english -- "It doesn't work" or "it is broken" would be better.

Second, "nova" is distinct from "no va". Much like "notable" is not the same word as "no table" or "not able" in English.

Finally, the Nova sold decently in Spanish-speaking countries. Don't believe me? Check the Snopes urban legend entry: http://www.snopes.com/business/misxlate/nova.asp

granturismo01 - Feb 26, 2008 4:42 am (#41 Total: 54)

Department of Corrections: Sorry, Karl...VOLARE not Volarie

(BTW...in the Micheal Keaton Batman movie - his civilian car is a black Plymouth Volare)

My list of names that should NEVER grace a respectable automobile again:

Chevrolet LUV
Dodge MEADOWBROOK
Ford FIESTA
Hyundai SCOUPE (props to autoboy16)
Mercury BOBCAT
Mitsubishi MIGHTY MAX
Volkswagen THING (props to norcalplanner/moparbad)
Plymouth FEATHER DUSTER

210delray - Feb 26, 2008 9:13 am (#42 Total: 54)

Albemarle County, VA United States of America

Dept. of Corrections (continued)

There was never a model called the Coronado.

There was an Oldsmobile Toronado and a Chrysler Cordoba (with "fine Corinthian leather"). And of course, there is a Chevy Colorado.

There was a make named after another Spanish explorer called DeSoto.

And the Rocky was a Daihatsu, not an Isuzu.

klunkman - Feb 26, 2008 9:36 am (#43 Total: 54)

Pennsylvania

Any dead Ford name:

Fairmont
Granada
Futura?

Also, Olds Delmont 88 (blech)
Plymouth Reliant (not)
Renault Alliance and LeCar

vic_pe - Feb 26, 2008 11:11 am (#44 Total: 54)

Canada

Autoboy Integra is technically the RSX, not TSX.

redliner - Feb 26, 2008 12:50 pm (#45 Total: 54)

I vote for Econoline. That just sounds like a second-rate airline. E-series, sounds much better.

ddastardly - Feb 26, 2008 2:49 pm (#46 Total: 54)

I'd like to add Windstar to the list of Ford nameplates that shouldn't raise their ugly heads again

rick8365 - Feb 26, 2008 5:23 pm (#47 Total: 54)

Aerostar, Windstar, Freestar..........

bbechtel16 - Feb 27, 2008 7:38 am (#48 Total: 54)

Aeropimp!

steve_ - Feb 27, 2008 10:22 am (#49 Total: 54)

Boise ID United States of America

The Previa was years ahead of its time and I would have loved to have been able to afford one back in the day, especially the AWD version. You still see them on the road and except for some SAD shaft issues now and they, they continue to have a reputation for high reliability.

Now, if you mean something like the '84 Toyota VanWagon, then maybe we can talk.

rick8365 - Feb 27, 2008 2:50 pm (#50 Total: 54)

I liked the squared off vans that the Japanese companies were making for a while - I think Toyota, Mitsu and Nissan each had one.

ddastardly - Feb 27, 2008 3:27 pm (#51 Total: 54)

I have to agree about the Previa, I always liked the looks of that van, it still looks good. Wasn't there a cool black one with sexy rims and a gattling gun in the back in "The Last Action Hero"?....but yeah, the name sucks.....kinda like the film :(

SubyTrojan - Feb 27, 2008 7:23 pm (#52 Total: 54)

Santa Monica, CA, USA

For the handful of Previa fans out there, here's a clip of them drifting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_meHP_ZrliU

altimadude00 - Feb 27, 2008 9:10 pm (#53 Total: 54)

Bricklin SV1 (My cousin in California had one in his garage. It moved maybe a few feet under it's own power.)

Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera (Cutlass would be good on a sports car...but what the heck is a Ciera? My brother had an 84 model and he named it Olds Gutless)

Ford Contour / Mercury Mystique (Should have stuck with Mondeo...and growing up, I misread Mystique for Mistake.)

Chevy Express (Doesn't get you there any faster.)

Dodge Sprinter (Who are you kidding?)

Dodge Stealth (I had issues with that rear wing. I liked the 3000GT better.)

Suzuki Samurai (It slices, it dices and it even flips over!)

Cadillac Allante (Nice, but bad.)

GEO/Chevy Prism (Prison?)

Suzuki Sidekick (my uncle used go up to these and kick the door.)

Nash Rambler (Do their horns really go *beep beep*?)

Suzuki Grand and non-Grand Vitara (Sounds like a mid-life crisis machine.)

Isuzu Oasis (Bad music and old Odyssey minivan = bad combination.)

GMC Jimmy (Homely. Easy for folks that name their cars.)

Dodge Shadow/Spirit/LeBaron (I don't think I have to say anything except ....thank goodness there isn't many left on the road...well maybe on the side of the road.)

steve_ - Feb 28, 2008 3:07 pm (#54 Total: 54)

Boise ID United States of America

@SubyTrojan - great Previa drifting clip. :-)