Car Reviews for Dictators: 2009 Mercedes-Benz G550
Here at Edmunds, we strive to make sure every demographic of car shopper is provided the most thorough buying advice they can find. Recently, we discovered a gap in our coverage. The world's many leaders, revolutionaries, freedom fighters and international V.I.P.'s don't have the information needed to make informed buying decisions. "Is my military junta best represented by an Escalade or an S65 AMG?" Well, El Generalissimo, we're glad to announce our new series "Car Reviews for Dictators." Enjoy this week's entry, the 2009 Mercedes-Benz G550.
Keeping You Safe from the Anarchic Horde
By James Riswick, Automotive Editor
The peasants will revolt. You know it; the all-powerful leader knows it. Through the course of human events, greedy subjects have inevitably risen against their caring overseers who know what's best for them. It just makes you sick. But when the time comes, El Generalissimo (or whichever international V.I.P. you're tasked to protect) must be kept safe from the barbaric insurrections of the anarchic horde. To do that, you'll need an indestructible vehicle that can do it all -- while looking menacing enough to discourage an uprising in the first place. What you need is a 2009 Mercedes-Benz G550.
For 30 years, the Mercedes G-Class has been a go-to vehicle for the world's military powers. It was originally designed for the Shah of Iran and when he was callously exiled by his ungrateful people, the first batch of Gelaendewagens (as it was then called) passed onto Argentina's armed forces. Juan Perón would've been proud. Military versions are still ordered and owned by the world's many nations (including the United States), while V.I.P.'s everywhere use them for security reasons. The Popemobile is a modified G-wagen.
There are other imposing-looking SUVs on the market, but compared to the G, they're like wimpy Noriegas who run away at the first whisper of Metallica. Whether visiting His Excellency's rural hunting grounds or fleeing the country over undeveloped land, the G550 can actually tackle any terrain with its off-road tires and full-time four-wheel-drive system that includes manually locking front, center and rear differentials. Front skid plates and a standard brush guard stand to clear away jungle foliage and careless insurgents. Plus, the G's 5,600 pounds and built like a bank vault. You'll hear that a lot about Mercedes-Benz models, but only one actually looks like a bank vault.
However, unlike the departed Hummer H1, the G550 is a go-anywhere, military-sourced SUV that is truly luxurious enough for the Grand Sheik and not preposterously huge. The cabin features the same supple leather surfaces and high-tech luxury features found in other, wimpier Mercedes models. The G is monolithically tall (it may not fit in Diddy's garage), but it isn't particularly wide nor long, making city visits to the adoring masses possible. It's also wickedly fast and stops like a hippy at the point of a fire hose.
In the odd chance you aren't chief of security for a military junta, there are other reasons to buy a Mercedes G550. If you have a 10-plus garage, there must be a spot for one. No truck is as desirable for its sheer presence, indestructible quality and go-anywhere capability. In a way, it makes just as much sense as a third car as a Porsche or Aston Martin -- incredibly capable and impractical with eye-catching styling -- but in a completely opposite way. As your everyday car, though, it makes no sense. The around-town handling, enormous step-up height, passenger space issues and naval fuel consumption make a GL-Class or even GLK-Class more suburban-friendly choices. But they're rubbish when the peasants revolt.
Performance
Moving all 5,624 pounds of luxury off-road box is a 5.5-liter V8 that produces 382 horsepower and 391 pound-feet of torque. A seven-speed automatic transmission is standard. At our test track, the G550 blitzkrieged up to 60 mph in 6.7 seconds. This amount of thrust may seem like overkill, but when 12,000 armed rebel scum are on your tail, you'll be happy to have it. Fuel economy is 11 mpg city, 15 mpg highway and 12 mpg combined. We averaged 13.7, but you're boss probably owns a few oil fields, so who really cares?
When it comes time to stop, the G is equally jaw-dropping. From 60 mph, it came to a halt in a short 127 feet with the sort of perfectly flat body motions normally reserved for sport cars. By contrast, a braking Hummer looks like a DC-10 landing without nose gear. Pedal travel is long for better modulation over tricky terrain, but it can get old on regular pavement.
We drove the G550 to our handling test track. Later we drove it back -- it doesn't really do corners. Even though its undefeatable stability control keeps it upright and planted, taking turns will remind the Chancellor of his days in the navy. Taller than most village huts, the G feels tippy and your pace on Alpine roads will hardly be brisk. Yet, it was capable enough to keep up with traffic (and pass many) on a mountain road trip up to Southern California ski country.
Since this is an off-road vehicle, steering is incredibly slow and doesn't automatically whip back to center like a normal car. Some actually appreciated this back-to-basics approach, while most found it irritating. Nevertheless, it gives you enough confidence and feedback to know what the tires are doing.
Comfort
The Mercedes G550 boasts a lot of muscle, and it takes a lot of muscle to get in. El Presidente's dainty mistress will struggle to close the doors that require a mighty slam. The step up into the tall cabin will also create problems -- we suggest keeping a box handy should the mighty leader be of the Kim Jong Il variety.
Once inside, he'll be greeted with supple ruched leather and comfortable, high-mounted seats with plenty of leg support. Sadly, there's no rear center armrest. As chauffeur, you'll be greeted by an upright driving position and a power driver seat (with adjustable bolsters) that doesn't move far back enough if you're tall -- sore ankles may occur. But even if the seat moved further, the V.I.P. in back would certainly complain. He may also express grievances about the excessive wind noise, but that's unavoidable given the G's giant-brick shape (which nevertheless aids visibility and parking). The ride, though, is surprisingly comfortable on the highway and only the nastiest city craters will send unpleasant impacts into the cabin.
Function
Although modern Benz electronics and climate controls are fitted to the G550, there's no getting around the 30-year-old truck architecture. The navigation system and its fussy COMAND controls are located at knee level; the simple climate controls are at your shins. Some features can be operated via steering wheel controls, but in general, most SUVs are more ergonomically friendly. There is a single cupholder that clumsily plugs into the center armrest and another located in the passenger foot well that resembles a mesh jockstrap.
Cracking open the trunk, you'll find a huge, blocky space with humps on each side perfect for seating a pair of armed commandos. However, they make laterally installing golf clubs difficult. The rear seats fold down and flip forward, although the latter is impossible without moving the front seats far forward. In total, there's 79.5 cubic feet.
His Majesty's most masculine of first-born sons will comfortably fit in the car seat that easily fits in the G's aft quarters. Rear-facing seats require the front passenger to scoot far forward.
Design/Fit and Finish
They often say Mercedes are build like vaults. Well, closing the G's side-swinging rear door and the attached full-size wheel/tire feels like sealing the gold-plated portal to Fort Knox. Each side door is also quite heavy, as if constructed of solid steel, while the loud "clack" sound they emit when locking can be heard 80 yards away. Although originally designed in the days of polyester leisure suits, the G seems meticulously over-engineered and indestructible. Interior quality is also impressive, but more in-line with Mercedes' lower-end products -- Don Carlino will have to purchase an armored S550 or Maybach to enjoy a plusher environment.
Who Should Buy This Vehicle
The chief of security for a dictator or rap mogul. Also, someone who has multiple cars and needs the ultimate SUV for his collection. It's ridiculous as a daily driver.
Others to Consider
Land Rover Range Rover
Porsche Cayenne Turbo
Unimog
Brink's Truck
Check out the real Edmunds Test Drive of the 2009 Mercedes-Benz G550. Oh, and April Fool's!
- Posted by
- James Riswick April 1, 2009, 9:00 AM
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- Test Cars and Car Reviews, Thoughts from the Curb
Das is a PANZER WAGGEN FUR BLITZKRIEG FAHREN IN DIE AUTOBAHN!! (I don't know if my german still good or not) :p
Passenger space issues? FH 42.2, RH 40.0, FL 52.5, RL 41.9.
Passenger space measurement methods differs from manufacturer to manufacturer. Seat placement, where they measure from. In the future, Edmunds will do our own measurements to create a standardized way of determining interior space.
Until then, you'll just have to trust me when I say, regardless of the numbers, the G's legroom is indeed on the cramped side.
I travel in Latin America quite a bit and the armored car of choice is a Ford Explorer or Expedition with full armor plating and bullet proof glass. The Gelendawagen is strictly for calling attention to yourself on South Beach.
I love it. I'll take mine in white with little papal flags mounted on the fenders.
As Dictator, I will mandate standardized passenger space measurement methods.
How can you not love a vehicle that still has real rain gutters?