Thoughts from the Curb: Top 10 Stupid Car Names
There have been a lot of stupid car names. The Japanese-market Mazda Bongo Friendee is the first to come to mind. Or how about the AMC Gremlin, a car named after a little creature that causes mechanical failures. You'd think in today's world of alphanumeric gobledigook, these naming embarrassments would be fewer in frequency ... not really.
Although I'm sure I missed some (no doubt from Japan), here are some from North America and the United Kingdom that need a rethink.
10: Inelegant and Redundant Alphanumeric Gibberish
2010 Lexus HS 250h
The H stands for hybrid. The h stands for hybrid. The 250 stands for a 2.4-liter gasoline engine. Go ahead and say the name out loud ... it's absurd.
9. You Need a Cryptologist to Decode Your Entire Lineup
Lincoln MKS, MKX, MKT, MKZ
I'll send you an autographed bundt cake if you can A) Say that five times fast, and B) Identify which one is which without looking it up.
8. Name is an Oxymoron
Dodge Sprinter
With a 0-60-mph time of 14.8, that's like calling sumo champion Asahoryu Akinori a sprinter. Also, see Suzuki Swift.
7. Unnecessary Marketing Gibberish
BMW X5 xDrive48i
BMW 335i xDrive Sedan
BMW Z4 sDrive35i
The X5 is always all-wheel drive making the xDrive bit fairly redundant. The 335i xDrive used to be known simply as the 335xi, which is much nicer. And sDrive? Who knows what the hell that means. Plus, the 35i is really a 3.0-liter twin-turbocharged engine. What was wrong with Z3 2.5?
6. Inaccurate and Unnecessary Marketing Gibberish
Lamborghini Murcielago LP640
Murcielago is a sweet name. It means bat, but sounds way cooler because it's in Spanish. So why put on the cheesy LP640 bit? Especially when the engine actually makes 632 horsepower. Fail.
5. Name Sounds Like an Intestinal Disease
Kia Rio
Perodua Myvi (right)
Daihatsu Materia
"Oh man, I went to Myanmar this summer and came down with the worst Perodua Myvi. My friend had Kia Rio for a week. It was nasty."
4. Writing Out Name Causes Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
Rolls-Royce Phantom Drophead Coupe
Mitsubishi Evolution X GSR SST FQ-300 (UK model)
These ones go without saying.
3. Name Makes You Sound Like You're From Boston
Ford Kuga
Ford Ka
"Hey John, did you see the new Ford Kuga sold in Europe?"
"Hey, stop making fun of my accent!"
"No, not Cougar, Kuga."
2. Name Invented by Putting Together the Name of Two Animals
Volkswagen Tiguan
This isn't a joke, that's actually how they came up with it. Tiger + Iguana = Tiguan. It's sort of like a Liger, only genetically impossible. Volkswagen is planning on doing the same thing for its upcoming, American-made midsize sedan. They were taking suggestions on a recent press trip I was on. Always helpful, I suggested the following: Humpback Whale + Kangaroo = Volkswagen Humparoo. Actually, anything with a Humpback Whale is bound to create something fun.
1. Name Sounds Like an Evil Galactic Warlord
Ssangyong Kyron
The evil Ssangyong Kyron enslaved the galaxy's helpless races, stealing their souls and disposing of them in the Earth's volcanoes. Later those souls would escape, embedding themselves in ancient humans, causing all of our fears and uncertainties.
There are certainly others (especially throughout time). Which did I miss?
James Riswick, Automotive Editor
"Thoughts from the Curb" is my weekly editorial column that appears every Wednesday morning at 6 a.m. Eastern. It delves deeper into whatever automotive topic pops into my bizarre mind. I was actually born James Bongo Riswick.
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- James Riswick May 27, 2009, 3:00 AM
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BMW 335i xDrive got me. I wasn't sure at first what it was. I also don't think Lincoln and Ford names are that bad compared to other ones in this article. Also surprised it didn't mention Chevy Nova, which means No Go.
I was disappointed to see BMW get away from their numbers actually going along with the engine displacement (mercedes got lax a long time ago!) and now with the whole xdrive and sdrive but I guess when you are as successful as BMW and not run by a bunch of stockholders you can do whatever the heck you want!
I'm not thrilled with the Lincoln naming scheme, but I think they get unjustly picked on. Lincoln is simply following the lead of Audi, BMW, Cadillac, Acura, Infiniti, Jaguar, Lexus, Mercedes, Saab, and Volvo. They shouldn't be singled out for being part of the crowd.
I was also surprised not to see the Nova there. Not as surprised as I was that it was popular with Hispanics.
I like your #8 (which you've labled #4 and need to bold). The Sprinter does anything but sprint. There has to be other good oxymoron names, but I can't think of any right now.
Names like Daihatsu are just fun to say, but I'm not sure it's fair to include brands that Edmunds doesn't list.
You guys do realize that the whole "Nova is 'doesn't go' in Spanish so Hispanics wouldn't buy it" thing is an urban legend, right? "Nova" is Spanish for "doesn't go" the same way "Therapist" is English for "The Rapist." Different syllables are stressed in "Nova" and "no va" in the same way.
I'm surprised you didn't mention the Mazda Mazdaspeed3.
This reminds me in college when I took the Transistor-Transistor Logic class. The name of the class was TTL Logic, which would be Transistor Transistor Logic Logic.
Thanks for the laughs - esp. -
"Oh man, I went to Myanmar this summer and came down with the worst Perodua Myvi. My friend had Kia Rio for a week. It was nasty."
&
Always helpful, I suggested the following: Humpback Whale + Kangaroo = Volkswagen Humparoo.
This was about current car names, so obviously Nova wouldn't have been included. Good point by andrew717, though. There's certainly a whole heap of historically crappy names.
Mazda Mazdaspeed3 is indeed a bad name, but that's a product of marketing schlock not getting along with publications such as this one who need both a make and model name. Mazda doesn't really call its cars the Mazda Mazda3 or the Mazda Mazdaspeed3 -- that would be nonsense. The problem arrises on our end, and if you note in model reviews, we rarely refer to it in the database-friendly redundant manner.
-Riswick
Are the Honda Life Dunk and Honda That's still in production?
How about another oxymoron name for a car - Hyundai Veracruz. Hyundai is a korean brand and veracruz sounds hispanic. It's a very sounding name though.
A lot of alphanumeric names are just crazy and useless. Stuff like the old Mitsubishi 3000 GT AWD, the current variants of Subaru WRX/STI, Mitsubishi Evo variations, lots of older and current Japanese letter clutter. They are unclear, cluttered, and just tiresome.
Acura model names are nonsense now, hard to remember and just destructive of brand equity. Acura TL SH-AWD, indeed... But Lincoln really takes the cake with their MK-names. I can't remember which ending letter belongs to which vehicle, and they give me no reason to care. Lincoln is making some much better vehicles these days, but who the heck cares about them, or understands them?
Then there was the old Pontiac 6000 LE, it always looked like "Gooole" on the trunklid.
Daihatsu Charade? Ford Aspire (was that an angry snake, or a frightful little Korean box)? Fiat Ritmo? Nissan Fairlady Z? There are plenty of funny names over the years, as well as the clunky and confusing ones.
How could you forget to mention the Subaru Impreza WRX STI spec C Type RA-R?
Watch out for retribution from the JDP (johnnyturbo) reference. I kid.²
The LP640 is named as such because the car produces 640 PS. If you need to look up what PS means, as I did, see below:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horsepower#PS
Regardless, I agree that the name has become unwieldy.
I actually knew it was the PS measurement (thanks for your dilligence though), but it's still a European measurement. If the number has no significance for this market, why throw it on the back of the Murcielago here? Actually, why throw it on anywhere?
Sorry for being such a nerd. I suppose one could argue that Americans who have a taste for European cars might enjoy throwing around names like Pferdestärke to their less-civilized friends. But I agree with your second point. Why include it at all?
For #4. I think they forgot to add: Subaru WRX STI Spec C Type RA-R
And best names? What about: Golden Hawk, Cougar, Falcon, Mustang, Corvette, Legend? All are simple, and good. Why did American and Japanese companies copy the Germans? I can see copying the excitement and engineering, but NAMES? As a language, German is a pretty good clue that you should NOT copy how they name stuff.
Well, I'm all for hearing nominations for best current car names.
-J to the Riz
I'm not a fan of the Aveo, especially the way GM wants it pronounced.
On dumb names, I can't believe I forgot Scion. xD, xB, tC? What the hell is that?
They're just messing with your head.
^ Volvo probably already had the trademark for XC.
The Subaru "B9" Tribeca is bad. Do you really want people to call your car "benign"?
I wholeheartedly agree that Lincoln's naming scheme is complete crap. Over the last 4 years, they renamed the Zephyr to the MKZ and now I think it's called the MKS? If car guys don't know a car's name, how are normal people going to keep track? I drove a friend's rental Lincoln equiv of the Ford Edge and I didn't know what it was called (MKX).