Thoughts from the Curb: First Sign of the Apocolypse
You don't hear me going on Mechanic-like rantings regarding the end of the automobile at the hands of evil environmentalists, bending facts to make it seem things will be worse than they really will be. You won't hear me bashing the Toyota Prius; a highly practical, ultra-efficient transportation device that's an excellent choice for people who couldn't care less about cars. And given that most people couldn't care less about cars, more choices like the Prius wouldn't be a bad thing.
But there comes a time when lines are crossed. A time when my left-leaning, tree-hugging tendencies are halted by common sense and (more so) my automotive adoration. A time when I opened up Straightline and saw the above picture. A picture so ghastly and disturbing, I'm still cleaning the bits of mashed Wheat Chex I projectiley hurled onto my desk Monday morning.
This is the Aston Martin Cygnet City Car and the surest sign yet that the world is about to end.
Seriously, this thing will be introduced at Geneva and red matter will flow forth from its tailpipe, opening a black hole and swallowing Earth, never to be heard from again. And the universe will be better off, too, since it won't have to worry about the existence of the Aston Martin Cygnet City Car any more.
Of course, this abomination is the result of new CAFE and European consumption regulations. Since Aston Martin is an independant car company, it doesn't have VW Polos to counteract Murcielagos or Priuses to counteract Toyota Tundra 5.7 CrewMaxes. Aston Martin had hoped that low-volume car makers would be immune from such regulations, or that some sort of production volume cap would be placed upon high CO2-emitting car companies. At the U.S. introduction of the DBS, Aston Martin North America Vice President John Walton told me the company would be open to the latter scenario, but that Aston Martin would do whatever was necessary to adapt in a more eco-minded market. Should no alternative solution be found, the Cygnet is certainly Aston's solution for the second-to-worst-case scenario -- the worst being selling only in places like Bahrain and Dubai.
Meanwhile in Stuttgart, Porsche is planning their next 911 to have electric power steering and will eventually scrap its traditional manual transmission in favor of an ultra-efficient "seven-step" CVT. That's right, a CVT replacing a manual in a Porsche 911. Lunacy.
I'm of the opinion that low-volume makers should be granted a double standard, just as trucks are granted a double standard. Before the economic downturn, Aston Martin sold about 7,300 cars world wide. That's a Wednesday at Toyota. The fact is, Aston Martins aren't transportation. Check Auto Trader, I guarantee you won't find one with more than 15,000 miles, and if you do, it's probably from 1977. They sit in someone's garage and gather dust with the odd weekend drive thrown in. The same goes for most high-luxury cars. And besides, those Aston owners probably own a yacht or an airplane, and I don't hear a great clamoring for yacht emissions reduction.
Can't we use some common sense here instead of forcing ridiculous compromises like the Aston Martin Cygnet? I'm not sure I want to live in a world that allows such a crime to occur. And if James Bond drives one, I'll personally punch Ulrich Bez and Michael Wilson in the ear.
Then again, I would be able to afford a new Aston Martin. Hmm.
James Riswick, Automotive Editor
"Thoughts from the Curb" is my weekly editorial column that appears every Wednesday morning at 6 a.m. Eastern. It delves deeper into whatever automotive topic pops into my bizarre mind. Sometimes I accuse chestnuts of being lazy.
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- James Riswick July 1, 2009, 3:00 AM
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I have to admit that I am a liberal-arts educated pseudo-hippie, but I completely agree. How many miles per year do the world's Aston Martins cover? The EU and US governments have much bigger fish to fry.
I'm all for saving the planet, but stuff like this is ridiculous! There are certain cars that exist only for fun and are never meant to be 'standard' transportation. Honestly, you never see someone use a V-12 Vantage as their daily driver. As for electric power steering and a CVT in a 911, that heresy!
Well said! Thanks for the laughs, too! Ulrich Bez and Michael Wilson better think twice before throwing 007 into a K-car or similar.
its cute. i dont mind that, but a CVT to replace a manual??? are you sure that info is correct??? Porsche still opts for the manual over the PDK because it feels better, despite being slower and less efficient.